


Bottomless

by gongji



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 17:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gongji/pseuds/gongji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor asks Loki to be his first kiss. That was probably when Loki fell. And when Thor grows up and moves on, Loki is stuck in the same spot watching his brother leave him for other people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bottomless

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this hiding for so long before finally publishing it today I don't even know what to say about this one anymore. WOMP. Enjoy it? And please excuse the lack of editing, I just never had the drive to edit this and probably never will, so here it is.

“What do you want, Thor?” Loki called out from behind his book when he sensed his brother’s presence, and the boy poked his head out from behind the door.

“You always know when I'm near. I can never sneak up on you.” Thor stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. Loki still didn't look up from his book.

“You don't really make it too difficult." He said, finally. "What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just want to talk.” Thor smiled like he was hiding something, and perhaps he was.

“Liar, what do you want?”

“I wanted to see you.” Only partly true.

“And?”

“And…”

Loki waited.

“I wish to kiss you.” Thor said before he could stop himself.

“Then do so.” Loki's reply was immediate. Thor’s breath caught at the quickness of his brother's reply. 

“You will not mind?”

“Has that ever stopped you?” Loki’s gaze remained on the words in his book, but his attention belonged to Thor. With his index finger he touched the top corner of his page intending to turn it when he reached the end, but instead he was stuck re-reading the same sentence several times over.

“Loki…I would never touch you without your consent. I would never harm you.” He approached his brother and stopped in front of him. “You are my brother and I love you. I swore to protect you and I intend to continue doing so–”

Without even shutting his book, Loki reached up and swiftly pressed his lips against Thor's, the last few moments of Thor’s sentence lost past his brother’s lips. Thor pulled away almost immediately, eyes and mouth both wide displaying a conflicted emotion Loki couldn’t quite name. “Loki!”

“What? It was your idea.” Loki said, closing his book and sounding annoyed. “Is that not what you wanted from me?”

“Yes but you never said –” Thor began but Loki cut him off again, this time with words.

“Before I change my mind, Thor.”

So Thor wasted no time in crushing his mouth against Loki's again. It was sudden and messy and at some point Loki made a sound of discomfort when their teeth clacked together. Thor brought his hands up and rested them on the middle of Loki's back, pulling him closer as his mouth slobbered over his brother's lips in his inexperience.

Their teeth awkwardly met again and Loki had enough and pulled away. “You really are terrible at this.” He breathed. “I do hope this is your first kiss. I would hate to see the face of the poor maiden who last had the honor of kissing you.”

Thor released Loki and surveyed the expression on his brother’s face. “And you are experienced in this…art, then?” Loki wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and ran his tongue along where Thor’s teeth had smashed into his.

“A bit more than you, it seems,” came the curt reply, and Thor frowned at the thought of his younger brother experiencing these things before him.

“Will you teach me then?” He asked, looking straight into Loki's eyes, and Loki raised an amused eyebrow in response.

“You want me to teach you how to kiss?”

“Must I ask again?” Thor was becoming impatient, and Loki let out a long sigh.

“Sit down over there.” He gestured over to the bed. Thor eagerly complied. “First lesson,” he walked over to where Thor sat and stood in front of him. “If you jump into it so forcefully like that it’s going to be uncomfortable. Second, I don't know what you were trying to do with your tongue but you’re doing it wrong. Third –”

“Why don't you just show me how to do it?”

“You're so impatient! What am I even getting out of this!”

“I'll teach you how to fight?”

“I don't need to know how to fight like you.”

“I will do any work assigned to us for the next week?”

“Do you really think everyone else is as dimwitted as you are?”

“You will teach me out of the goodness of your heart?”

Loki rolled his eyes and sighed again. “Please stop talking. And keep your mouth closed.” He placed a hand on Thor's shoulder and leaned in to kiss his brother gently, maintaining a good distance between them. “Stop smiling.” He mumbled against Thor's grin, which only widened.

Thor placed his hands around Loki's waist and dragged him closer, and before Loki could pull away and reprimand him Thor placed a hand on the back of Loki's head and held him against his mouth. Loki complained and resisted through muffled noises but couldn't pry himself from Thor’s strong grip. If there was one advantage Thor had over him, it was definitely strength. After a few moments Loki managed to pull away just long enough to breathe before Thor pulled him in again, but Loki pushed against his chest and knocked him over on the bed, grabbing at the collar of his tunic. He opened his mouth to yell at his brother but all that came out was a voice-cracked “Thor!!”

Thor laughed deeply and Loki took that as his reply. “This is funny to you? I thought you asked me to teach you, not the other way around.” Thor propped himself up on his elbows and touched his nose against Loki’s.

“So that means I am teaching you something then, brother?" Loki shoved him back down and growled in his face.

“ _I_ will lead.” Before Thor could respond Loki's mouth was pressed to his, kissing him again with more force. Thor gripped Loki's waist again and rolled him over so he was no longer on top, returning the kiss and trying to stop Loki from being the dominant force.

The rest of their afternoon was spent wrestling on top of the bed, kissing and fighting for dominance. It was only after Loki accidentally fell off the bed that they realized what they were doing and how much time they had spent doing it.

They both agreed to tell no one and to never speak of it again.

\-----

Weeks later, as Loki practices his magic on a pile of sticks outside the palace, he catches sight of Thor and a black haired maiden kissing behind the thick trunk of a tree. Loki also catches himself wondering if Thor might think of him and what they did while he kisses the girl. A pinch of what he believes is jealousy tugs at his heart, but he quickly dismisses the thought.

Months later, he catches Thor and Sif kissing after one of their spars, and he idly wonders if Thor has improved at all. Is his kiss still too eager? Does he still grin into the kiss? Does he whisper her name like he did Loki’s, and would ever want to kiss him again? Loki’s heart sinks deeply and he was just about to entertain the idea of going over to interrupt them, but instead he only sighs and his shoulders sag and he quickly dismisses the thought.

Years later, he watches Thor kiss the woman from Midgard, and Loki wonders if he should have even taught his brother how to kiss. But he has other matters to attend to, ones that are more important than Thor and his love for other women. Or at least, that's what he tries to make himself believe. Instantly his heart drops completely in intense jealousy and anger. He is the King of Asgard – he should not be tied down by petty emotions he should not even be feeling in the first place. As King, he should act. As King, he should end this and put a stop to Thor’s ridiculous actions.

 _'But you're not king.'_ his father’s words echo in his mind, and now he feels as foolish as Thor did before his banishment. He grips the staff in his hand so tight his knuckles turn white, and he stops himself from doing any more. “You are not Thor,” he muses. He turns away from his watch of his brother and quickly dismisses the thought.

\----

Something inside him is more than overjoyed to see Thor return to Asgard. The rest of him knows the man before him is not the same man he once knew, no longer the same foolish little boy who was so easy to play with. It’s the way Thor looks at her, the woman from Midgard, with his eyes soft and gaze filled with determination and affection, that Loki knows she is the one – she is his.

And it’s the way Thor looks at him, eyes narrowed and gaze filled with frustration and anger, that Loki knows he never was.

He doesn’t feel the tears on his face but he knows they are there.

\---

When he falls, so does his heart.

When he lands, it shatters along with him.

\---

What feels like an eternity later, Loki stands atop Stark Tower watching the army of Chitauri swarm the Midgardian city. He steps forward, golden horns gleaming in the bright sunlight and cape blowing behind him in the strong wind, and he isn’t sure if the feeling in the pit of his stomach is success or failure.

He hears his name - Thor's voice, deep and full of anger. "Turn off the tesseract or I'll destroy it!"

And Loki turns to look at the man he once called his brother, the child he grew with, the man he once calmed with a gentle touch, who glittered as king where Loki only shadowed. He turns to look at the Favored Son. The Golden Warrior. The Hero of Asgard. He turns to look at the boy he kissed. He turns to look at the man he loved more than he should have, perhaps more than anything.

He turns, and he wonders if he should have kissed his brother in the first place.

"You can't." He says finally, the fragments of his shattered heart stabbing him sharply inside his chest.

Perhaps things would have been different.

"There is no stopping it."

Perhaps it wouldn’t have hurt.

"There is only the _war_."

Perhaps he wouldn’t have fallen, perhaps he wouldn’t have loved, perhaps…

 _"So be it,"_ Thor says.

He cannot dismiss the thought.


End file.
